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Bowing Out of Toxic Situations

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                I used to be mad confrontational.  A complete and utter hot head.  I don’t know if it was maturity and growth, grandmas’ prayers, or perhaps motherhood and not wanting someone else to raise my son if I could help it, but I’m far from where I used to be.  I can think back to being wronged by a couple of f*ckboys in my past and their biggest concern being whether I was going to come like a thief in the night and destroy their vehicles (because I was fully capable and gave zero uckfays, I did other conniving stuff though like get a car repossessed, put my cell phone on their account, and write a public roast of a poem and shared it to the church’s Facebook page).  I also recall being argumentative and feeling that I had to prove my point in every disagreement…the pointless, time usurping back and forth.  In 2018, you couldn’t pay me to engage in an argument for longer than 5 texts, 4 statements, or 3 buts.  I’ve learned the value of a strong GOODBYE and bowing out gracefully.

                Social media has become one of the breeding grounds for arguments and discontent.  If folks aren’t arguing about Trump and politics, it’s race relations, sports, miscellaneous drama, etc.  I learned the power of disconnecting from all social media but my own.  I used to peruse my timeline to see what funny things people had shared or to find out local happenings that I knew my co-workers, friends from back in the day, family who doesn't share my interests, would know nothing about.  These days?  Not so much.  The past couple years have taught me the value of protecting my space, mental and physical.

                My grandma always says, “You have to give a little to get a little” and in recent years, I’ve sacrificed relationships and my social presence to maintain peace.  I concluded that I need my zen and clarity more than I need to be present in anyone’s life or at an event that is out of my element.  I used to feel guilty about putting myself first; but, after becoming a mother and dealing with death left and right, I let that shit go.  My reckoning was in 2017 when I realized that accepting the same behavior from the same people over and over was played.   I made the hard choice to separate myself from foolishness and only surround myself with love and light.  I was amazed at how many opportunities opened to me once I found myself in a better headspace mentally (I don’t believe in coincidence).  It was freeing to not have to hide or dim my own light so that others wouldn’t feel whatever negativity they were feeling (because folks toxic feelings about us usually has nothing to do with us and EVERYTHING to do with them).  I realized I could flourish organically and this was all because I made the choice to bow out of toxic situations in my personal and professional life.  We are so powerful and have no idea of the potential we possess to manifest greatness in our lives once we drop the bullshit and baggage. To thrive as my best self, I needed to learn how to bow out gracefully INDEFINITELY.  How many times have you invited toxicity back into your life after leaving it behind?  Think about that potential suitor who you know isn’t good for you, but you grant them revolving door access (even after you get that sign from above that you asked for about their ain’tshitness).  Consider the frenemy/relative that you felt loyal to because you’ve known them for so long, but their actions prove the loyalty isn’t mutual.  Think about your job and how you feel undervalued and underappreciated, but you show up knowing full well you could be working somewhere else or living your dream because you have the talent and skill to do so.  FEAR and FAMILIARITY will have you effed up, looking and feeling crazy every time!  Bow out of those circumstances, honey and MEAN IT!  Keep those around who are excited about your growth and advancement. Those who are truly for you will still love and respect you...even if they are a casualty of your decision to improve...even if it's from afar.  If they hate you for practicing self-care, chances are they hated you when you weren’t.  Signing off!

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  • True indeed…. toxic situations are the worst…

    Carlette on

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